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Is forced writing good writing? and Culture Shock. Am I weird for not experiencing it?

2 Nov

It’s November 1st! Time to get your NaBloPoMo on! Oh, the excitement.

Or not.

For some, November is that time of the year when they finally get the motivation to write their big novel, or even commit to simply write more.

I, personally have always wondered about this obsession with writing more. Does an increased quantity of words bring anything to your style, your posts or your audience? Perhaps I was just too lazy to accept the challenge and was just finding excuses. After all, as an athlete, I should know that practice makes perfect and even if perhaps reaching a quota of words per day or month will not automatically transform you in a better writer, there is no way it can hurt you.

I did experiment with writing everyday for a while last year and it worked fine as long as I felt inspired. I quit when it got though, when I actually had to find a subject to write on and not just pour my soul out. I also experienced a negativity and self-doubt when asking myself why n earth would anyone want to hear my opinion on everything.

But here I am, November 1st, ready to accept this challenge once more, as I again came back to my conviction that Writing is more for yourself than a desired audience. I have also not written in a long time, and perhaps the transformation that I’m inevitably going through needs to have a documented proof. And I miss writing. There, I admitted it.

So, short update on where I am now. 6565.42 miles or 10565.74 km away from home. Foreign continent. North America. Foreign city. Los Angeles. Alone. Or actually, this is a more accurate description of how my journey started exactly 3 months ago. I know it’s early, but I feel I could easily call this home and I’m pretty sure there was not a single day in which I felt alone after arriving to UCLA.

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Trusting anyone is hard after a while

15 Feb

I found it difficult to convince myself to post things here for the past couple of weeks. I felt I was a hypocrite for believing that the stuff I write has any meaning or that the writing itself- any value. I missed it, so I kept writing in my diary but I didn’t trust myself enough to publish anything.

Today, I learned that perhaps trusting somebody isn’t that bad. Having been hiding all my life, pretending, trying to elude questions and maintaining a happy appearance has hardened me. Especially after the one person I confided myself in disappointed me enormously, trust became something nobody could earn from me. All I could see were false friends waiting for the opportunity to see one of my weaknesses, to use the information I would let slip against me or to their own advantage. Slowly but surely, without me even realising I began asking myself every time I spoke: “Do they need to hear this? Does this give any of my secrets away? Could they use this?” Inevitably, I stopped giving voice to many thoughts for this fear. I was never alone, being lonely would be a hint that something was not quite right, that I might not be that happy person. But I didn’t have friends either. I got along with everybody and nobody actually suspected that I didn’t particularly hang out with somebody. I was constantly on the move, gravitating between groups but never really bonding with anyone for fear of being exposed.

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Final thoughts or Where I will be next year

31 Dec

Today is the last day of this week’s writing challenge.

An intense week of writing and a habit I hope to continue next year. And I won’t say it’s my resolution to make sure I’ll keep it. It is also the last post of 2012.

2012 was not a bad year at all. But all the conclusions and lessons learned belong in my head and in my heart. On paper belong the thoughts for 2013.

Next year at this time I hope I will be at an amazing party with my newly made friends from the awesome university I’ll be attending, hopefully in the US or UK. No more staying with my parents on New Year’s eve at a sad table.

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Friend or foe? My biggest rival

29 Dec

Talking to a friend about our rivals and those people we never seem to be able to beat no matter how many matches we play against them, he asked me who my greatest enemy was.

Inspired by this question, this post is about my nemesis.

This will also count as my answer to day 5 of this week’s writing challenge. Weekly Writing Challenge: Just Do It!.

I look at her, and the first thing I notice are her eyes. Today they are blue. In the past, probably around 12 years, I saw those eyes daily, and their colour was never the same two days in a row. Yesterday, they were green – she was so focused on surpassing me. Today, they are blue – she is now content to work and cooperate with me. This makes me glad, because I do not feel like fighting her anymore.

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Having a purpose or Diary Excerpt

28 Dec

Though this fits perfectly with story of which parts you can see in the menu at the top of the screen, it is also an excerpt from my diary, so thoughts written in the heat of the moment during my attending a revelatory tennis camp at a famous tennis academy in Florida that inspired my writing of the above mentioned long story.

This post will also count as day 4 of this week’s writing challenge.

Weekly Writing Challenge: Just Do It!.


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Courage or about changing my perspective

26 Dec

Weekly Writing Challenge: Just Do It!.

This second post of the weekly writing challenge was inspired by another college essay prompt.

The starting point is the following quote belonging to sculptor Jacques Lipchitz who once said:

“Cubism is like standing at a certain point on a mountain and looking around. If you go higher, things will look different; if you go lower, again they will look different. It is a point of view,”

Being a rather conservative personality my initial answer was that my opinions do not change but pondering some nights on the question I realised that my opinions and perspectives do change and this phenomena is called evolution. So I remembered the following true story:

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Confession or about not feeling anything anymore

25 Dec


via Weekly Writing Challenge: Just Do It!.

With this very personal post I begin my challenge of the week.

Christmas has come and gone and I wonder why I didn’t feel anything.I kept waiting for that feeling, either the night before, a feeling of excitement or of festivity, or, in the morning, a feeling of happiness while opening my presents. A feeling of happiness, of joy that has always accompanied such celebrations. But nothing came to me. Not even now, in the aftermath, I do not feel. Inert, empty. These words should not describe a person on Christmas, especially since no tragedy has come upon me, nothing bad happened.

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