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Why do we want what we can’t and shouldn’t have? or Jealousy

6 Dec

Airplanes, skype, facetime, whatsapp, viber, and all the technology we have nowadays at our disposal has enabled us to cut travel times, transcend time-zones, remain connected even when we are the furthest away we’ve ever been. Having been to more than 30 countries, going to school on a different continent and simply living to travel, I had always been grateful to the available technology to keep in touch with whomever I meet on my journeys and leave behind when I move on.

Truthfully, I was never a sentimentalist, never crying at the airports and hating to say good-bye, never worried about leaving family, friends, boyfriends, relationships of any kind behind. People told me I am cold-hearted, but I felt I am too young to be tied down and there was so much more ahead of me than anything I could possibly leave behind. I always managed to maintain a distance with respect to the people surrounding me, as I knew I would soon leave. Still, the internet helped me create a sense of an international community that I am part of, having friends all over the globe and knowing I have someone to visit or crash at in all these different places. I always used it more for simply checking in, stalking what people have been up to, making sure I maintain enough of a presence so that people don’t forget me rather than actually maintaining any significant contacts. I only skype my parents when they forgot to refill my card or I miss seeing my dog and probably have two life-long friends that I talk to once every couple of months to make sure we’re seeing each other when we find ourselves in the same country.

And now I get to my story, of how the unexpected happened, and how despite me carefully not forming any lasting emotional attachment in person, I ended up being totally messed up by one formed on the internet.

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Knowing it’s going to end or Do you still try?

9 May

Getting to the second part of my post about love (This was the first: Am I heartless? or About not sacrificing your dreams for him/her.)

So basically I have reached the second question which was:

2. Why so serious? Even knowing it’s going to end, why not?

I wonder why more and more people are so set on sealing the deal. I see so many young people settling for less then they deserve and know they deserve only out of safety reasons. Don’t they still want to try, experience, have fun anymore? Are they so afraid there won’t be a next guy/girl that likes them back?

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Am I heartless? or About not sacrificing your dreams for him/her

7 May

I don’t usually write about love or romance simply because it hasn’t been happening for me much.  I didn’t complain about it either simply because it had been a choice of mine. As with friendship or having a social life, I pretty much accepted putting it on the second, maybe third, (ok, maybe forth) place after tennis and all that had to be done to get me away from home. It may sound harsh, and I don’t say I wouldn’t have wanted or enjoyed a relationship, but I acknowledge that I am a very goal-oriented person who set her priorities straight when probably in 4th grade.

But due to some circumstances, which I will shortly detail, I have reached this subject. And for me, there are currently two issues around it.
1.    Is it heartless not to have your partner as your top priority?
2.    Why so serious? Even knowing it’s going to end, why not?

1.    Related to the first question, I always wondered if I was the weird one, not putting my boyfriend above all my other activities.

 

I’ve seen so many cases of girls and women putting their life on hold at a smaller or larger rate for their love-interest it’s kind of saddening to me.
•    My mother could have become a great doctor, a hospital chief, whatever she wanted. Instead, she settled for a teaching position because my dad wanted kids.
•     My sister, even rough she is only 22, almost moved to another country not once but three times for her boy-friend at the time. And when they leave she still makes plans to see them 6 months after their break-ups.
•     My best friend’s sister, who is 21, a bright, extremely intelligent girl, who reached the International Olympiad phase is Biology 3 times, could have gone anywhere to college. Instead, she chose to remain here for her boyfriend at the time and go to Med School. She hates it, feels unchallenged, became frustrated and guess what, they broke up.

There are many examples, but I think I made my case. I decided early on, that I wouldn’t do that. At least not yet, when I am young and have all the possibilities in the world, I will not sacrifice my development for a relationship. Perhaps I’m heartless or perhaps I didn’t meet the great love of my life, but I would never give up my independence, or my dreams and ambitions for someone. Even later one, I doubt that I would be able to do that. To me, a relationship should stand on compromise and not on complete renouncement of either one’s plans.

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I have worked very hard for my future and I will always continue to do so. Just as I tried my best in high-school in order to get into the best university, I will try my best in college to get into the best Master’s Program. I will try the hardest there and get a job where I want at the UN or Ministry of Foreign Affairs. And even then I will try my best to reach a higher position and become an ambassador or who knows what I will want at that time. The point is, that I will always desire and have something planned and I don’t see why I should even consider giving it up or wasting my effort for another person, be that the love of my life.

I am also slightly curious how much my attitude and my thoughts on romance are influenced by my parents’ unsuccessful marriage and my being previously  hurt on the one hand and my being raised as a very independent woman and my being an ambitious goal-oriented person on the other hand.

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I will split this into two posts since surprisingly I have much to express on the topic of romance and the second question reaches a more personal aspect making it thus slightly longer.

But in the end, my question remains. How much of yourself should you sacrifice for a relationship?