The beginning of the end

17 Dec

Perhaps this title sounds fatalistic or exaggerated, but I sincerely believe that almost anything in life represents the end of something and the beginning of a new experience. However, if we apply this to longer activities or periods of life, this transition begins to signify something more.

I am now talking of the end of the semester which signifies the fast approaching end of my senior year, and thus the end of high-school. For me it will hopefully also mean the end of living with my family and in this country. I am certain many of you will now expect to hear about the sadness that overwhelms me, or the regrets that I didn’t do enough, that some of my best years have gone by. But, despite the fact that this may be a general tendency for youngsters my age, in my case, I want to talk more about the joy I feel at the prospect of beginning something new, something bigger, something greater.

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something great just in front of me

It surprises me more and more often how many people who I never really spoke to in the last 4 years now suddenly tell me how much they will miss me and how much I meant to them. Perhaps I’m a more insensitive person but as much as this may flatter me, I cannot but feel resentment and ask myself where these people have been all this time. I also find it quite annoying, and had I not been a stronger person, would have probably found it also very difficult, to cope with those people now realising that my hard work will actually pay off and that in less than a year I will be at some university on my way to „greatness”, while they will remain behind. Hypocrisy, false friends, enemies, meanness, all comes out now and above all, envy and jealousy.

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Jealousy and Envy

And not to sound like a vain nerd, I’ll give you one example. My desk-mate, the girl I’ve considered one of my best friends for the past years is, as myself, highly competitive and determined. However, our competition has always been friendly, motivating us both and we never refused to help each other or let our results come between us. This was until we realised we were both hoping to gain admittance to the same universities and I started receiving invites for interview earlier than she did. Upon hearing my being invited to interview at Cambridge University she started barely talking to me and despite my friendly request to notify the teacher of the reason I was missing for two days, she did not. She kept this hidden and not little was my surprise when, returning to school, I was not greeted with encouragements and congratulations but with angry question of why I had skipped school.Image
Such examples are many, and I do not wish to dwell on them since they do not affect me. I only mentioned them to offer a bigger picture on why I am not so emotional and depressed at the prospect of leaving such class mates behind. What I do wish to develop is my excitement and restlessness at the thought of being done with doing mostly things I do not enjoy in such an environment and finally being able to determine every aspect of my life.

I have to admit, the interview I had at Cambridge had a big role in this attitude I now present and I am certain it couldn’t have been otherwise. The interview itself was difficult, as one would expect, and I can’t say it went without a hitch. Actually the truth is quite far from that and, considering that they only offer one place for a foreign student to study medicine in the college I applied to, the chances of me being accepted are extremely slim. But the fact that I was invited came as a confirmation of my hard work and of the difference that has already started to be made between my future and that of my now envious class-mates.  Also, the whole atmosphere there, on campus, and the teachers who interviewed me, as well as the entire town and the students I saw in a café or on the street radiated intelligence and superiority, and I almost felt what living at least 4 years in such an environment would do to my development. Perhaps, or most certainly I won’t end up at a University of this calibre, or who knows, but I am certain the difference I mentioned earlier will be made and I will not have worked so hard for nothing.

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Cambridge

What is more, after several fights with my parents, which now occur so often, being a little away and together with students, as well as hearing my sister (who just returned for the holidays from university abroad) helped me envision life away from them. I cannot express how badly I need this separation and how I can almost feel it now that highschool comes to an end. Taking into consideration that I am certain I want to leave home and my country since I was probably in the 3rd grade, having less than a year before accomplishing this dream seem so little. I cannot wait to just try and be myself and perhaps I won’t make big changes or transform into the most out-going and most popular girl over-night but I least I will know that the choice of staying in is mine and not inflicted upon me.

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Parent leash

Also, what I really look forward to is meeting new people. Having been so focused for the last years or months I only now realised I had perfected a routine to help me stay on track. But with this routine also came the lack of novelty and I basically only met new people sporadically. I am sure this will change at the same time I change my environment and activities and really expect merrily. And why not, this may also refer to romance since there was no time, realistic possibility (due to my strict parents) or interest to develop a relationship at this point.

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Meeting new people

All in all, it would take me much more space than I decided to allocate to this post to explain all the reason why this end of semester and year makes me so happy and leaves me feeling so different than it does my peers but I believe my enthusiasm can be easily felt through the few examples I have laid above.

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Happiness

The beginning of the end of this step and period of my life is great and I couldn’t have been more excited about it than I am at the moment, just in time for the holidays and in concordance with the festive spirit of Christmas and New Year.
I really hope all of you feel the same, even i not necessarily for the same reason as I do.
Love,
Laura

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